Into a New Year
The past 365 days that made up 2019 were quite the journey. Three months in, we learned that we needed to start saving up to buy a house. Two months later, I went through rigorous testing after an episode that resembled a stroke but all testing in regards were inconclusive. We lost a wonderful man on my birthday, Josh's grandfather. While the next day, I was given the unofficial diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. All the while, we found a house and closed on it in August. We spent the first few days in the house staying up until the wee hours of the morning painting and prepping the house for us to move in. My best friend of almost 16 years was put to sleep as cancer overtook her ability to breathe - my childhood dog was able to be in my wedding and lived a long life filled with wonderful memories. We bought our first duck at an auction for $20 right before Labor Day. And in three months, we raised our very own pastured poultry in our front yard.
We gained new friendships and found our community in the little town of Dunn, North Carolina. Truly thankful for God's will and work in our lives as we follow His calling for us.
Our journey into 2020 is filled with ambition and goals as we strive to build our better life. Our calling to raise chickens not only for us but for the community has truly made our cups overflowing with gratitude. This year will be one of personal growth and knowledge as we dig deeper into permaculture homesteading. We look forward to the trials as we know we are in the preparation period, just as Paul goes through the preparation period in the book of Acts before he finally reaches Rome to preach the gospel.
This is the year where we plan to take risks; some big and some small. One of the biggest challenges I face is that I'm scared when I have nothing to be afraid of. I'm afraid to lose a job I despise, a job that brings me stress and a job I worry about when I know they would barely blink an eye if I left. I have no reason to fear that - because deep down, I know I'm a capable young woman who could walk into almost any business and be hired on the spot. I know this, because I've done it; more than once.
This muttering is more for my self-awareness than it is for you reading this, but I hope it sparks something in you too. To change that part of your life that stresses you, because no part of your life should ever have that control. I'm learning this because it makes my condition worse along with other unappealing habits. I pick at my face when I'm stressed, my 24-year-old adult acne spikes when I'm stressed and it takes WEEKS to clear it up. The stress makes me snap - at myself, at Josh, at the dogs and its not a way I want to behave.
One of my personal goals for 2020 is to find ways to cut the stress out of my life, even if that means leaving a job we literally MOVED here for. I have never been a big self-love type of person; I'm more of the beat myself up, blame myself, always saying 'I'm sorry' type of person. If I'm going to write a blog, I might as well be real and transparent because I know I'm not the only one. Another goal is to do the things I love more - or actually find something I love doing again. Maybe it's horse-back riding, maybe it's dog training, maybe it's finding a new hobby altogether. I don't want to be comfortable in this life we live now.
Every day I want to strive to be better, to live better, to be reminded of how blessed we truly are to be where we are. Our lives certainly aren't easy though seriously, who's life truly is these days. Anyways, that's all for now as I go grab myself a tissue. Thank you so much for your support and for tagging along on our journey!